Overcoming the Biggest Hurdle.... the KIDDOS

GOOD MORNING

is my greeting for little man. He's usually not up when I'm getting ready but on this particular day I hear little feet down the hallway.  He peeks in and asks me where I'm going.  I tell him, “Today I am going to work” [and my heart breaks a little].  He shatters it with the pouty face, “But I don't want you to go.”  The tears start to well up, “I'm going to be sad.”  Your heart breaking with mine yet?  Talk about a stop at guilt trip station!  The teacher in me redirects and I tells him “it's only a few hours and your favorite sitter is coming to play with you.”  Daddy gives him a pep talk, he is satisfied and walks away to his room. 

BE STILL

the kids will be fine.... but when I get back, they kinda aren't.  After my work day [it’s only three hours] I come home to two emotionally full kiddos, crying, and tired.  I put Cindy on my lap and snuggle her.  When I ask what is wrong she says “I didn’t want you to go.  I miss you and you’re going to leave always.”  OH BOY!  I put both down for a nap and started to clean & pray.  

[as you can guess this was before I left]

BE STILL

and know that I AM God.  He is God, and he knows all so I start asking WHY… Why all the tears and distress from Cindy.  God, this is a girl who tried to give me the boot at parent’s day when she was only two and going to preschool.  Ms. independent who begs me to let her take the bus and reassures me that I don't have to stay and watch her three-hour gymnastics practice.  She’s been without me for three hours plenty of times.

As I'm folding a green dish cloth the answer comes, because you are leaving her.  In all those memories, she was always the one leaving me.  She was in control and had the choice.  This was totally new to them since I have only worked from home and insecurities were welling up inside.

COMMUNICATE

is what I failed to do.  I had done a good job preparing the kids physically for the change.  We practiced routines, packed lunches, set out games, but I didn’t prepare them emotionally.  Maybe because they are still little I didn’t even think about communicating what they should expect and share with them reason why I was going to work.

And so, the explanations and planner came out.  I reassured them that every day I would be home by lunch and as soon as I got home we would read books altogether.  We made plans on what we would do when I come home, play legos, Barbies, and UNO.  We plugged in a mommy and me date into the planner and we all felt a little better.

DREAM

is what we did later that day on our drive to gymnastics when it was just the two of us.  I shared with her our family dream of a place we can call home and in order to make that happen mommy has to work a little.  She added to the dream and insisted on having a basement, a pool with a slide.  There should be a movie room with a cotton candy machine and we will host lots of parties.  Additions I approve of HA!

I shared with her that just like I am able to bless, teach, and love them, I will be able to that for so many more kiddos!  I bridged the gap and made her part of my work.  She was giddy about being be able to visit the classroom during open house and meet the kids that will be part of my mornings. 

ADJUSTMENTS

are hard and change is challenging but necessary for growth.  This week I can say we all did a little growing and I'm happy to report I'm pretty confident these little munchkins are going to adjust to this new life just fine.  

Until next time,

The big BUT (and my new adventure)

The last few months Randy and I have been throwing around the idea of me going back to work.  I really really really and I mean REALLY love staying home with the kiddos and I LOVE my chillax life.  Stay at home mom life can have its challenges but for the most part it’s pretty darn awesome. 

BUT

When we sit and dream about the future and the life we want to build, I realize that in order to reach some of those goals there have to be some sacrifices made.  Some sacrifices that require more than just cutting the budget and spending less.  SO on my 2017 goal list I put down, This year I will make $2,484 dollars to put towards our DREAM  HOME fund.  I laughed at that number a few times mockingly questioning why I even wrote it as a goal.  How can I do that if I quit working from home this year?

BUT

there were more talks and prayer.  God can you make a way for me to even reach that goal?  God if I am suppose to go back to teaching you’ll have to place that desire back into my heart because I really don’t want to.  If I go back to work... it has to be part time at the preschool Randy goes to.  I have to be able to bring him in with me and be out of school in time to pick up Cindy.  The job has to be close to home.  I want an easy adjustment not a drastic one.  All these requests as if I had the right to really ask God for specifics of what I wanted in a job. 

BUT

Somehow it happened.  With a text from a cousin telling that a new place was opening and I should apply, an out dated resume [and I mean for real my resume is 7 year old], an interview and BOOM in the course of a month I have exactly the job I prayed for.  For real ya'll every single thing on my prayer list met and my 2017 goal will be reached.  As for the heart thing, God was working on that too.  Earlier this year had started hosting little home school sessions for little Randy with some friends and it totally brought back my passion to teach.

(shopping for first day of school outfits)

WHY?

And as for the why.  Why go back to work if I really really love being home and DON’T actually have to?  Because of the dream.  I want to be an active participant in building that dream home.  Maybe our constant moving lifestyle makes me yearn for a forever place.  Whatever the reason, that is our dream.  A home where we can host more and offer people a place of rest and fellowship.  A home where the kids will always want to come back to and one we can pass along to them when we're old and wrinkly.  It’s a home uniquely designed for our special family.  There'll be a back yard  that has way too many Weber grills and smokers, a fire pit for me and the kitchen with a big window, farmhouse sink, wood island where we can all cook together.  Sigh*  I like to dream big.

God answered my desire to start making this dream a reality not by ascending a set of keys down from heaven to our dream house, but by giving me the opportunity to partner with him on this new working mom adventure.

On top of the dream, I’m going back because I know our home is the center of my world but it isn’t my whole world.  I have the privilege to pour into these two little faces and now I get to do that for oodles more for a few hours a day.

AND

This year is a test run.  If I so happen to hate working or it’s too much for my needy little family [ha!] then I can always go back to being a house wife.  So here's to an awesome year and a new journey towards a dream being built one brick at a time.