The Year I Confronted Anger

Year seven. The year of marriage and motherhood that I distinctly remember my anger reaching its boiling point. My explosive outbursts shook the house with loud yells, crude words, followed by tears of regret and sheepish apologies to those I had hurt. Why was I so angry?

I was angry when the messes piled high, leaving me feeling out of control.

Angry when plans changed.

Angry when I was misunderstood.

Angry when it felt like no one was listening.

Angry when expectations weren’t met.

Angry when gossip about me was shared.

Angry when I was corrected, exposing my pride for all to see.

Regardless of the reason, the anger that resulted in sin was out of control. But in His goodness, God opened my eyes to see my little ones mimicking my tone when they were frustrated or upset, and it broke my heart into pieces.  They became a mirror, showing me the warning I needed.

📖 In the story of Cain and Abel, when God rejected Cain’s sacrifice, Cain became very angry, and his countenance fell. 

 “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.”
—Genesis 4:6-7

Because the Lord disciplines those He loves, He attempted to warn Cain. Like Cain, when we fail to master our desires and emotions, sin crouches at our door, waiting to take hold. Cain ignored God’s warning, and in his anger, he killed his brother.

Just as Cain’s sin killed his brother’s physical body, the words we speak in anger or wrath bring emotional and spiritual death. Life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). Jesus even equates anger with a brother or sister to murder (Matthew 5:21-22).

Year seven was the year I heeded God’s warning, grieved my sin of anger, and cried out for help. I devoured books on anger, listened to countless sermons, and implemented practical tools to recognize my triggers. I began to uproot and heal from childhood wounds and in His grace, the Lord humbled me. I began to welcome His discipline and surrender my anger to Him.

My family knows that anger is the thorn in my side—the sin I long to master. It’s the sin I try to recognize before it destroys, and while it occurs less frequently now, when it does I quickly repent.  Anger is no longer a master in my life. 

❓ Reflection questions

Do I receive the Lord’s correction (or others correction) with a humble heart open to repent?

Is there sin that God is trying to warn me of? (lust, gluttony, pride, sloth, wrath, greed, envy)

How does this sin manifest in my life?  What triggers it?

Who does it affect and what are the consequences?  What destruction is it causing?

How does God want to help me overcome this sin?

🙏🏻 Prayer

Lord, I thank you for your times of correction in my life because you care for me.  Sin separates me from you and others.  It brings about destruction by stealing, killing, and destroying your blessings.  When things are not going my way, sin is crouching at my door and its desire is for me.  Help me to recognize these moments quickly so I can pause and step away.  My desire is to master anger by being quick to listen and slow to speak.  I  give the offenses that others commit against me to you because justice is in your hands. Cleanse my heart of bitterness as I forgive others as you have forgiven me.  Show me how to have the right expectations of people and situations.  I ask that you restore any relationships that have been hindered or destroyed by anger.  In Jesus name I pray, AMEN.

📖 Resource

Uprooting Anger 

Book Review: Psalms by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

 “Not my will but yours be done.” 

❓WHO would enjoy this book?

Someone interested in theology, is studying prayer, or the book of Psalms

📝 Key Takeaway

“What is the difference between prayer and expressing wishes, hopes, sighs, laments, and rejoicing?  All of the following, the heart can do by itself.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer opens his book with this challenging question—one that I’ve been reflecting on deeply. More than just words or expressions, my prayers reveal the condition of my heart. They are not mere habits but rather my soul’s deliberate response to God.

Prayer is the ongoing conversation with God both listening and speaking woven throughout the day.  His words come alive in the scribbles of my journal, where I capture scriptures that resonate in the moment, and in the highlighted passages in my Bible that stand like sirens of warning.  It’s in the stillness where I listen for His voice, receiving just enough daily bread to sustain me.

There are silent prayers and those spoken aloud. I speak prayers of praise over a simmering pot singing along to worship music.  Prayers of gratitude at the dinner table. Prayers poured out in tears in the solitude of a shower.  Prayers of intercession as I watch my husband or children struggle.  There are prayers of repentance stirred by the narratives of the old testament, gospels, and writings of the apostles. And then there are the raw, unfiltered prayers—cries of frustration over difficult circumstances or challenging people.

“If we are to pray aright, perhaps it is quite necessary that we pray contrary to our own heart. Not what we want to pray is important, but what God wants us to pray.”

❓Do I pray what God wants me to pray? Do I truly seek His will over mine? And if so, how can I discern the difference?

Wrestling with these questions has changed my posture in prayer, especially when making requests or when interceding.  I’ve started asking God, “How do you want me to pray about this situation, for this person?”

🙏🏻My requests for my kids have gone from asking God to remove hardship to: 

Lord, show them what you want them to learn through this challenge.  Be their ever present help in times of need.  Would this challenge be a catalyst that draws them closer to you and may they come to a knowledge of who you are through it.  Show them how to give thanks in all circumstances because this is your will.  

📝 RESOURCE

The book gives a great breakdown of the content of the Psalms and how they are used in prayer. If I were to read this book again, I would have taken it slower and read through the Psalms and then the commentary regarding the topic. I’ve created a printable that breaks down the Psalms referenced in each chapter for those wanting a deeper dive. Download printable HERE.

Why I Chose to Have More Kids

 “Don’t curse what God has called good.”

For nine years, we were sitting comfortably as a family of four. After our second child, I was adamant that we had enough kids. I didn’t want to go through those early years again—the sleepless nights and the sticky tantrums of a toddler. However, the boss always wanted to leave the door open for more children.

As we inched closer to what is considered advanced maternal age, we knew we had to make a decision: either swing the door wide open or close it for good. Anyone who knew me during this season could tell you it would take a miracle for my heart to desire another child and a miracle it was.

The year I was teaching high school Bible, this question loomed in my personal life. I was preparing a lesson on the value God places on life: how He knits us together in our mothers' wombs, knowing our gifting and purpose even before we take our first breath.  I watched videos (like this) of the absolute miracle that takes place when a baby is formed.  Literal light flashes in the womb and a celebration occurs, everything needed to form life is present. 

My research took me down a rabbit trail that also led to the topic of abortion. I wrestled with the question: How did we get to the point where life is often dismissed as just a “clump of cells”?  Conviction hit me hard, I felt the Lord gently pointing a finger at my own heart.

❓ Have I not, at times, thought of and complained about children being a burden? Do I see birthing, raising, and discipling children the way the Lord does? Have I truly valued motherhood for the gift and calling that it is?

When we look at the order of creation, children were not an afterthought or a consequence of the fall. After creating male and female, God gave this command:

“God blessed them; and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” – Genesis 1:28

Children are a blessing (Psalm 127:3-5). They are a part of God’s purpose for marriage.

As I pondered these truths and as I honestly answered the questions, I wept.  I saw my selfishness and how I had minimized something God calls a blessing. These were my regrets:

• I complained far too often about the demands of motherhood.

• I was double-minded, as James 1:8 describes, which led to unstable ways. By failing to fully value motherhood, I sought to find my worth in other pursuits.

• I was always looking ahead to the next season and didn't savor and appreciate the little moments.

I repented to the Lord and shared my change of heart with the boss.  After nine years and shortly after our decision to have another, we found out we were expecting baby V. Two years later, we joyfully welcomed baby J into our lives. People say I’m crazy, but if God blessed us with another, I’d joyfully welcome that little bundle as well.

Life is a miracle, and so is the transformation of a heart.

🙏🏻Prayer from snippets of Psalm 139, Matthew 21:19-20, Proverbs 22:6, Galatians 6:9 

Lord, no matter the season of life I am in or whether I have my own children I proclaim that children are a blessing. For you formed these little lives in and their inward parts; you wove them together in the womb. I give you thanks because each child you have created is fearfully and wonderfully made. When I see them I will see your wonderful works. How precious are your thoughts about these little ones, O God! 

We are all called to go everywhere in the world and tell the good news, especially to the children. As a mom or spiritual mom, help me to train your little ones in the way they should go so when they grow old they will not depart from it. May I not grow weary in doing this good work, for at proper time there will be a harvest if I don’t give up. Thank you for the blessing of children and for the joy and laughter they bring.

📖A book that I wish was available when I had my first two:

Hard is not the Same thing as Bad

I Bless this Home

 “Don’t curse what God calls good.”

Before the Boss’s final deployment, we had lived in five different homes, each varying in size, location, and charm—and I loved them all. But when we started entertaining the idea of him separating from the military, we had the chance to dream about our “forever home.”  We walked into a model called the Magnolia and it captured my heart though out of our league.  There were windows everywhere with natural light shining in from every corner and I could picture having a massive dining table full of people in the center of the open floor plan.

After a year of wrestling with God, standing at a crossroads over what was next for our family, we found our way back to that house—once impossible, but now doable. In a market where homes were selling before they even hit the listings, God answered some wild prayers, guiding us in ways I can’t fully explain (a testimony for another post).  Miraculously, He made a way for us to call the Magnolia our home.

We see in Genesis 1 that God provided for Adam and Eve long before He created them.  He didn’t do it so they could sit back and relax; He did it so they could work and have dominion over the land and animals. Snippets from Genesis: 

📖 Genesis 1:11-12, 20-21
“Then God said, ‘Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees on the earth bearing fruit according to their kind with seed in them’; and it was so.”

“Then God said, ‘Let the waters teem with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth in the open expanse of the heavens.’ And God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarmed, according to their kind, and every winged bird according to its kind; and God saw that it was good.”

God provided for Adam and Eve: their home, their food, and everything around them. And He called it good. 

This home is an answer to prayer, but what happens when the luster fades? The temptation to complain crept in, and I found myself morphing into an Israelite wandering in the desert. By nitpicking the flaws of our home to others, I began minimizing the very blessing we had prayed for.  The trap is in the little things as over time, small complaints snowball in both frequency and intensity.

What started as a grumble about the size and cleaning demands of the house turned into complaints about all the stuff we owned, the people in the house, and a sense of not getting enough help. Oh, Lord, forgive me! I was reminded that I needed to stop cursing the very home we had prayed for.  At the time, we were hosting a Bible study and I was convicted about how I was speaking about our home.  It is a blessing to have a home to welcome family, friends, and raise our growing family.

When I cursed the provision, I also cursed the work that came with it.

I was misdiagnosing the problem. It wasn’t the house, the stuff, or even the people. The problem was ME. (Ouch.) 

❓Reflection Questions

• Do I buy things I don’t need, or do I struggle with gluttony?

• Am I stewarding our finances and possessions well?

• Have I overcommitted myself, leaving no time to properly clean and care for the house?

• Am I training our kids and asking my husband kindly to help? How can I create better systems to manage the home?

• Do I have a problem with contentment?

🙏🏻 Prayer for contentment from snippets of Philippians 4 and Psalm 23:

Lord, you are my shepherd and I have all I need.  I do not want to take all I have for granted.  Forgive me for the times I have cursed what you have called good or have complained over what you have provided.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  Show me what it is to be content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether plenty or in want.  Guide me along the right paths for your name's sake and show me how to steward my time and possessions in the way that glorifies you.  

⭐️ Resources

Books on Organization/Decluttering

Simplified Organization

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Books that helped my time management

The Best Yes

Boundaries

Eat That Frog

Cleaning Systems

Fly Lady

Clean Mama

Overconsumption

Budgeting/Tracking spending (Dave Ramsey’s site has so many resources)

Have a no spend month 

How did we Get Here: Marriage

 “Don’t curse what God has called good.”

We've been married for more than fifteen years, and a while ago, the band on my engagement ring snapped. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving it with just any jeweler overnight—too worried about my diamonds being swapped out—so my engagement ring went into a drawer until I could decide what to do with it.  Should I reset it with a gold band? Or replace it entirely with a new ring? In the meantime, I wore a dainty $20 ring I found on Etsy.

A few days before Christmas, I got a call from the boss asking for my ring size. I immediately knew what was happening. But what surprised me was how excited I was at the thought of what kind of ring he would pick. Thirty-something me felt giddy, like the twenty-two-year-old I once was, standing on top of a mountain, just having said "yes"!

On Christmas morning, in my Grinch pajamas, I opened the most beautiful, perfect ring—a single round-cut diamond set on a delicate band.  That man knows me so well, he picked out the exact ring I would have chosen for myself.   It was like being proposed to all over again.  As I did in my twenties, I find myself staring at the ring with gratitude, in awe that I get to spend the rest of my life with that handsome man.  Beyond the beauty of the ring, what makes this moment meaningful are the words of honor he spoke and the sentiment of the gift.

How do people grow more in love year after year? In our marriage it is with God’s view as the foundation:

Marriage is good.

At the end of creation, God made many things, including male and female. The first chapter of Genesis ends with, “And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.” He created them in His image (Gen 1:27), and in the garden, man and woman were both naked and unashamed (Gen 2:25). The first marriage—and God said, "It is very good."

Good doesn’t mean perfect.  My marriage is not perfect, but it is good.  We’ve gotten here by surrendering, repenting over the bad, and calling out the good. We’ve gotten here by choosing not to curse our relationship or one another.  

As I dive into Genesis, I’ve been reflecting on the things God has called good and renewing any thoughts that don’t align with His Word.  I’m letting conviction and reflection ring in the new year, starting with marriage.  

• What words of blessing can I speak over my marriage?

• What good qualities do I see in our relationship?

• How do I want to see our marriage grow and flourish?

• How do I want to see God use my marriage to bless others?

• What good qualities do I see in my husband?

• When can I speak these out loud or write them down for him?

• What areas of growth do I see in him, and how can I encourage him in those areas

I’ll be the first to confess that I don’t always speak blessings over my marriage or my husband.  Lord, forgive me for these moments, and help me to quickly recognize and repent when I fall short.  Just as speaking blessings brings life, speaking curses—through being overly critical, belittling, withdrawing, or persistent negativity—can bring death to a marriage.

• In what areas am I overly critical of my husband?

• Are there times when I’m more vulnerable to verbal negativity (like when I’m tired, hungry, or anxious)? How can I recognize those moments quickly and change course?

• Is there anything I need to apologize for, something I’ve said or done?

• Do I compare my marriage or my spouse to others?

• Am I critical of my spouse to others?

I challenge you (and myself) to take time to answer these  questions, realign our thoughts, and speak blessing over our marriages. Let’s commit to calling out the good in our relationships and our spouses, letting words of life transform us in the new year.

Prayer from a snippet of Proverbs 31:

Lord, I thank you for my marriage and my husband.  Take any thoughts that are not edifying captive and make them obedient to you so I can open my mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness will be on my tongue.  Show me how to win the heart of my husband so his heart trusts in me, and he will have no lack of gain.  I want to bring him good not harm all the days of his life. In Jesus name I pray.  Amen.

Upcoming in “Don’t Curse What God Has Called Good” Series:

Atmosphere (Home)

The $7 That Ushered Gratitude into Our Home

“A heart overflowing with thanksgiving has no room for complaints and negativity.”

-Melanie Chitwood

    As I was decluttering our bookshelf I picked up the very first marriage book I ever read fifteen years ago and started flipping through the pages looking for the treasured nuggets I highlighted in crayon.  Gratitude must have been heavy on my heart because it showed up in multiple highlights including the one above.

    

    Gratitude is the act of expressing thankfulness and appreciation for the blessings in life, and acknowledging that these blessings are gifts from God.  

    The posture of gratitude is how I wanted to enter the new year and encourage our family to do the same.  I printed out pictures of all the wonderful moments from the year and had my girls tape them to the window (our wall of gratitude).  Fancy, I know.  We cooked up a feast and it didn’t take much prompting for everyone’s hearts to soften after seeing the goodness of God reflected in the images.  

    

    Before starting dinner I also acknowledged the goodness and faithfulness of God in the midst of hardship.  Not on the wall were hard times, like the cluster seizures little V experienced that left her unresponsive for what felt like an eternity.  Her lifeless body and eyes immoveable to any promptings until we began laying hands, praying and calling out to the Lord.  Her eyes shifted, hours later her body moved, and a few days later she was able to walk again.  Even in this hard moment, we give thanks to the Lord for restoring her back to us and for his presence through the entire ordeal.  

    The boss prayed a blessing over the year, over each person, and we recalled with laughter the moments from the year.  Who knew seven dollars worth of pictures taped to a window would elicit so much joy and conversation around the table?  It was our first fruitful investment of the year.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 

-Thessalonians 5:18

❓Reflection Questions:

1. In what moments from 2024 did I see God’s goodness?

2. How did he use the hard moments from the year for my good?

3. How has God been faithful this year? 

🙏🏻 A Prayer from snippets of Psalm 106:

We give thanks to the Lord for he is good.  His love and mercy endure forever.  

Who can speak of the mighty deeds of the Lord,

Or can proclaim all His praise?

How blessed are those who maintain justice, Who practice righteousness at all times!

Remember us, Lord, and may we find favor with you.

Visit us with Your salvation, So that we may see the prosperity of Your chosen ones,

That we may rejoice and that we may boast with Your inheritance.

Forgive us of any sin we have committed and help us turn from our ways.  

Save us, Lord our God,

And gather us from the nations,

To give thanks to Your holy name

And glory in Your praise.

Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel,

From everlasting to everlasting.

And all the people shall say, “Amen.”

Praise the Lord!

🍞 Yummy Recipes from Dinner: 

Hasselback Potatoes (a new family fave)

Sirloin Tip Roast