3 Ways to Beat Dreading... (the day, work, exercise, you fill in the blank)

Are you in a habit ofdreading?  If you groan, incessantly complain, and are discouraged over an unpleasant task, then you my friend aredreading it.  Dread can take a challenging time or action and make it even harder.  Dread robs us of joy and seeing the good that could come with the hard. 

After an awesome spring break, I knew I was in the danger of dreadingcoming back to school.  I love my students, I love teaching, but doing so virtually has burst my bubble.  It took away the best part of my job, the physical interaction with the students.  I made up my mind before we started that I would NOTcomplain or dread.  I was going to give this week my best effort and attitude.  Here is what I learned about battling dread:

1. GRATITUDE

The second that dread appears I fight it with gratitude.  In 1 Thessalonians 5:18 Paul says to give thanks in all circumstances.  Gratitude has a way of shifting our hearts.  I speak over and sometimes out loud against where my mind wants to go. 

I’m grateful to have a job.  I’m grateful for a space in my home that I can sit and work.  I’m grateful for my students who make me smile. 

2. PURPOSE

Remembering the purpose helps to fight off those dreadful thoughts.  Why are you doing what you’re doing?  Why is it important that you do so with the right attitude?  In my desk drawer I keep an affirmation card that says I am passionate followed by Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”  

This is a season where God is teaching me faithfulness no matter what the circumstance looks like.  I have been given an opportunity to speak to the lives of these students even from a distance.  My attitude sets the example to my kids about how to react when work is hard. 

3. WORDS 

It only takes a few words to change the meaning of a sentence.  Proverbs 18:21 tells us that the power of life and death are in the tongue.  We get to choose how we talk about the challenging things in our lives.  Are we speaking truth and hope or dread and death?  What we repeatedly say or think either lifts us up or weighs us down.  There is a difference between: I can’t wait for the year to be over and I’m going to give the end of this year my best. 

In times like these it is easy to dread.  It’s easy to focus on the challenge ahead with defeated thoughts.  I encourage you to think twice.  Remember that Christ has given us the power to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2).  We can’t take captive those dreadful thoughts with thanks, remembering our purpose, and speaking life over what is to come. 

Fight on friends, 

 

How to Deal with Cynical Pessimistic People

Are you a cynical person?  

Cynical is defined as believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.

Are you a pessimistic person?

Pessimistic is defined as tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.

We all are cynical and pessimistic at different points in our lives.  Lord help those who deal with me during these times.  Cynicism isn't a spiritual gift.  Maybe you don't think youre pessimistic but describe yourself as a realist.  Maybe you're not cynical but identify as sarcastic.  Regardless of how it is described, all have negative effects. All of the following give us a license to be lightheartedly hateful without feeling bad.  

Yes, we are supposed to speak the truth but we cannot forget the latter part of that verse.  God's word says to speak the truth in love and when we dig deeper into what love is, it is far from cynicism and pessimism.  Speaking in love involves patience, kindness, without a hint of rude.  

What happens when we are on the receiving end of a cynical and pessimistic person?  How do we handle these conversations?  How do we keep our hearts from being infected? 

1. AVOID REACTING

In Matthew 13:53 Jesus came to his hometown to teach and do miracles but he ran into cynical and pessimistic people.  There was no table throwing or anger in this moment.  He preached and left without reacting to their words.  And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith (v 53).

2. LISTEN 

If you're mature then listen to negativity and find the truth.  Is there truth to the sarcaasm?  Is there truth about the other person in the sarcasm?  Many people cover their fears, jealousy, and disappointment with blame and criticism.  Even if you don't agree with them you can acknowledge and hold up a mirror to their feelings.  Listen without giving solutions and don't fight a battle you can't win.  Point the person to the one who is able to carry all their burdens (Matthew 11:28-30). 

3. TEACH BOUNDARIES 

I don't have a high tolerance for pessimism and I have learned it's important to teach people my boundary.  Sometimes what is best is to step aside and away not just for the other person but also for yourself.  Be direct with your boundaries asking for the conversation to be shifted away from the negativity that isn't paired with solutions or hurtful sarcasm directed at you.  Those who have the ability to listen are like healers for the emotions and it can be draining.  Like Jesus it's important to withdraw and refresh (Luke 5:16).

4. PROTECT YOUR HEART

Cynicism and pessimism are sins that are like a disease.  They can infect and spread from friend to friend and throughout your family members.  Proverbs 4:23-27 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways."

It is easy to be sucked into and find ourselves being cynical also.  When on the receiving end of the negative comments it can be easy to be hurt and bitter.  It's always important to check our heart for either, forgive where needed, and choose to speak the truth in love. 

God doesn't intend for us to be cynical, sarcastic and pessimistic, it is a choice.  In the same way we don't need to tolerate cynicism, pessimism, and hurtful sarcasm in our lives.  

Let us be the light my friends,

 

The Stranger Habit

When I see something in someone that is valuable, I take note and make it my mission to replicate it.  My little sister has this amazing habit of speaking life to whoever she sees, especially strangers.  So, I’m calling this the Stranger Habit.  Maybe God made her that way, but seeing the beauty of her small gesture made it a habit worth developing.

I was visiting California for her graduation.  She picked me up in her Prius, I ate vegan chili at a trendy vegan restaurant, I slept in a room she shared with her roommate, we had an acai bowl and Starbucks for breakfast, and you get the itinerary for this trip.  There was a whole lot of going out.  She probably didn’t realize it but everywhere we went she scanned, found something she liked about the server or cashier, and told them.  She made it a point to ask them how they were doing. 

Like a fly on the wall, I watched the response of the stranger. Every single one lit up.  Simple words literally gave them a little life, some pep in their step, a smile on their face.  The flicker that lit the candle was so brief if you weren’t paying attention you may have missed what caused the flame, but it was magical. 

As the little girl who hid behind my mom’s skirt, a shyness that followed me into adulthood, I was uncomfortable just watching her interactions with these strangers.  Uncomfortable but inspired.  I left California hungry for meat and for a desire to brighten a day with words.  I pity those workers who received my first attempts at these awkward compliments and conversations but after about fifty times it became natural. 

I’ve done this so many times it is a habit that is so ingrained in my being.  Whether you are a stranger or friend, there is a 90% chance I will compliment you when I see you. These compliments aren’t empty, they’re sincere honest truths.  I will find something I like; your sweater, shoes, hair, smile, hug, attitude… and I will let you know.  I will let you know even if you’re a little cranky or treating me rude at the checkout line.  Why?  Because it’s worth it to see you smile and to give you some encouragement.

This is the most awkward habit to develop but so worth it. It cost us nothing but our pride to speak life so I say let’s develop this stranger habit and give away as many compliments we can in our lifetime. 

I'll see you next time,

What are you focused on?

I tend to make simple things complicated and maybe that is why I love the compound effect. I love it because it is simple. One simple action repeated over time equals change.  The biggest benefit to this idea is it forces me to FOCUS. 

When I’m taking pictures with my big camera and using my 35mm lens I have the option to focus on one main object while blurring out the rest.  The other things in the picture don’t disappear, they simply don’t become the focus. 

Whether we notice it or not we tend to focus on specific areas in our life.  We focus on the negative or on the positive.  We focus on certain relationships over others. We focus on one area of our lives while blurring out the rest.  The question I ask is, am I focused on the right thing? Am I focusing on the things that God wants me to focus on?  

Let me geek out for just a second.  Each month I take an inventory of my life by looking at the different categories.  Which area am I doing well in?  Maybe I’m rocking it with keeping the house clean but haven’t been great about spending quality time with the family.  Maybe I have carelessly stopped saying kind things to the kids, giving them encouragement and notice that their attitudes towards me have been sour lately.  Whichever area I am struggling in is the one I choose to FOCUS on for the following month. 

I focus even further by choosing ONE action I can do every day over time to care for that piece of my life.  If you’re one who likes to journal you can check out the printout that I use. 

Why bother knowing I’ll never live life perfectly?  BECAUSE it’s not about perfection for me, it’s about actively stewarding well.  I want to care for each area of my life the best I can with  the time, knowledge, and resources that I have.  It looks different month to month, season to season, because life is constantly changing. The one thing that stays the same is the process. 

This month I'm focusing on spending 15 minutes writing every single day, it's one of my favorite hobbies.  It's not an action that will hav ea HUGE impact in 30 days but it's been the perfect focus this month.  You see, I am an enneagram two.  I have a tendency to care for those around me before I care for myself.   With the entire family under one roof without anywhere to go I can go all day doig things for everyone else and not take time for myself.  This small action reminds me of my need to step away and take some time doing something I enjoy, a time to reset and refresh.  A little writing everyday helps keep the crabby mood away! 

I'll see you next time,

My Food Story

The last few weeks I have enjoyed cooking with the kids more than I ever have.  Maybe because it is less of me doing and more of seeing them do what I've been teaching them for years.  It might be the smiles from ear to ear when their dad says that is the best oatmeal he has ever had.  I wonder, are they falling in love with cooking and food the way I did? 

I have some memories of being in the kitchen with my mom baking, but I didn’t enjoy cooking until I fell head over heels for Randy.  Food became more than a delicious meal but an offering, my favorite way to express love.   When I read the story of Elijah in the desert I realized, this is why I love to cook.   

In 1 King 18 Elijah had his big glory momentand God used him to show the people His power.  Queen Jezebel was already killing off the Lords prophets and this put a target on Elijah’s back.  Elijah ran for his life and in 1 Kings 19 it says he was afraid.  He was so afraid he asked God to take his life, but that is not what God did. 

God sends an angel who fed him bread and water.  An angel that encouraged him to rest.  1 Kings 19:8 says he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 

Right then and there I saw that God can use even a plate of food to restore, encourage, give hope, and express love.  Serving food to my family, to mommy friends over for a play date, those who come to stay and visit is my offering.  Buying food for a stranger, a friend in need or just because, cups of coffee to be shared, feed the body but God can use it to free the soul. 

As I watch my kids cook and set the table

I see their eagerness to serve.  I hope they see I’m passing on more than just a life skill to them by teaching them to cook but a piece of my heart.  Aside from pride of their independence they experience the joy and opportunity to feed others.  They witness how God can take breaking bread and turn it into great memories at the table.

Food is so much more than flavors that make my taste buds dance. It is God’s provision and an open invitation to give what he has given to me.  

One Hit Wonder

Today, a friend asked me what God has been teaching me and here is my response:

I don't want to live my life waiting for a "one hit wonder" moment.  God has been teaching me that the things he wants to develop take time, faithfulness, and patience.  The daily mundane tasks are serving their purpose and to be honest, sometimes I don’t know what that purpose is or will be.  The small thank you to the boss for how he cares for us draws us closer together and continually builds our relationship.  Cooking with the kids (as messy and slow as it can be) is building their ability and independence in the kitchen.  One day I hope they’ll cook for me or others confidently.  The endless washing of dishes producing self-discipline to not complain and faithfulness to try to complete the small.  

It’s the small daily tasks added together that make the impact over time.  These seemingly small actions take daily effort and stewardship to establish.  

I think about the David and Goliath story (1 Samuel 17).  David wasn’t a foolish young man. He didn’t try to take on Goliath with only hope.  David was a slinger with fierce faith.  A slinger in those days would be equivalent to a sniper in our modern day.  He knew his ability.   I sometimes wonder if David came to realize before going to see Goliath that this is why God had him in the pastures.  Did he understand that the lion and bear he slayed was in preparation for this big moment?  I wonder how awful his first attempt was at using the sling.  How many rocks must he have gone through each and every day for years to establish his skill.   David lived his every day prior to his “one hit wonder”.  Of course, he didn’t end up only being a one hit wonder but building an imperfect but well lived life and legacy.  

I am in my own sort of pasture, even at thirty-ish. There is a lot of learning, failing, and establishing skills.  There is waiting and being faithful.  Each pasture season is helping me to prepare for the lions, bears, and Goliaths that come. God has been teaching me to appreciate even the most mundane of tasks because each one serves its purpose.   

Keeping the House Tidy During the Pandemic

We all have different thresholds for tidy.   On a tidy scale of 1 being don’t care and 10 being OCD I would rank about a 7.  This to say, I wish our home was clutter free home and I like for things to be clean but I’m not a super neat freak.  ALSO, no shame depending on where you are on the scale. 

I am a person who can think clearer and am less overwhelmed when things are tidy.  I notice this about my kiddos as well.  They tend to play more with their toys when there is less, know where everything is and it isn’t so “busy”.

Knowing my expectation for tidy, what is my solution to getting our rhythm back in the midst of everyone at home during this pandemic?  First and foremost TRACKING. 

Habit tracking is a simple way to measure whether you did something or didn’t.  It also helps you to see if something is important or isn’t.  I’ve been tracking what we are cleaning and when with Clean Mama's calendar and BOY is it telling!  Its telling me I need to clean my bathroom 😂.   Okay all joking aside, it’s a great guideline for me to see what chores are left undone and who to assign what chores to. 

Here is what tracking has taught me:

1. Can’t get mad at having a messy house if we as a family aren’t putting in the work to clean the house.

2. I CAN verbalize if I’m the only one doing most of the work but not the only one living in the house 😉

3. My family and I need to work on putting things away and thorwing things away.  This would reduce clutter and work.

4. Will try to implement a 20 minute tidy after dinner before we relax. 

5. I need to stop buying more stuff, I’m seeing the clutter build up in different corners of the house again.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the state of your home during this pandemic, TRACK your cleaning habits.  Having information from tracking allows you to tackle the task with a plan!  My plan this week is to implement for quick 10-20 minute cleans and to get the whole family to finish the daily cleaning tasks right after breakfast.